There's nothing like a good old-fashioned holiday with family

I've talked before about how we all fall back into our childhood roles when we visit family, and this Christmas was no exception for me.

As usual, Dave and I were lucky enough to be able to travel to Florida to see my parents.

Florida . . . the sun, the beach, the 70-degree days, and . . . my father, the one person who is single-handedly able to erase all the progress I've made with my self-esteem.

Truth be told, Dad was mostly on his best behavior this year. I think he's starting to worry about getting old, so he's being nicer to everyone. After all, they don't let grouchy people into heaven.

And I did my best to stay out of his judgmental eye—not letting him see me at my early morning pajama-clad worst if I could avoid it. (Yes, I know it's sad that I dress for my father, but we're all messed up, right? My messed-up-ness stems from Daddy issues, and, come on, whose doesn't?)

I even went so far as to make sure I ate most of my meals when he wasn't looking because I know that his favorite thing to do is to commentate other people's food choices. . .

"Is that raw?" (This comment is usually said with a shudder.)

"I don't like to eat at that place. They give you way too much food." (Translation: I don't eat as much as you do.)

"I like a dry tuna." (Meaning, "I'm too good for mayonnaise.")

"Geez, that's a whale of a burrito!" (No explanation necessary.)

"I don't eat much red meat myself. You almost have to force me to eat red meat." (This from the man who had steak and hamburger last night for dinner.)

"Are you really going to eat that?" (Gee, thanks Dad.)

These comments are the reason why I decided to fill my plate before my parents came over for dinner one night last week. We had bought roast beef and ham for a friend's visit, but so much of it had gone uneaten that we'd invited my parents over for dinner the same night to help us finish it.

But as I was putting out a buffet of pasta salad, deli meat, lettuce, tomato, and mayo, it occurred to me that if my dad had the chance, he'd make a comment about every single morsel I put on my plate. So I decided to be pro-active and put my meal together before he arrived.

Unfortunately, Dad showed up just as I put two slices of bread on my plate.

Unlike a normal person, Dad did not pick up his own plate and start selecting the items for his own dinner. No, that would be too obvious. Instead, he followed me through the buffet, making a comment about each of my selections. It was when I was at the end of the line, spreading the tiniest layer of mayo on my sandwich—I knew he was watching—that he went in for the kill.

"That sure is a lot of mayonnaise," he said with a small chuckle.

I honestly couldn't believe it. I had purposefully used the smallest amount possible, but from his point of view, it was still too much.

"Well, you know me," I said. "I love me some hip-widening fat-filled mayonnaise. Always have, always will. Want some?" I added, holding the greasy knife up to his throat like a weapon.

Okay, so this was not actually my response, but I can dream, can't I?

Rebuffed at the buffet

192 pounds

Recently I was at a social gathering that included a plentiful buffet of snack food—decadent cheeses, fine breads, gourmet meats, tasty guacamole, salty tortilla chips, and much more. I was standing near this table of goodies when one of my friends saw me and said something like this: “It must be nice not to have to worry about dieting! You can eat whatever you want.”

There is some question about whether my friend meant this comment literally or not, but I do sometimes feel like people don’t completely understand my “will not diet” approach.

Not dieting does not mean that I can eat whatever I want.

I really wish it did!

What it does mean is that I don’t go on “diets,” and if you’ve read my “What is a diet?” post, you know that I define a diet as something that requires us to change our eating habits for a set period of time. Some people would call these fad diets or unhealthy diets. I just call them crazy ways to make you less healthy in the long run (even though they might help you drop a few pounds in the short run).

Famous fad diets include the Atkins diet, the Zone diet, the Cabbage Soup diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the Thousand-Calories-a-Day diet, etc. I also consider it a diet when people give up something—like sweets or flour—for a set period of time.

Basically, for me, a diet is anything that means that you can’t eat as you normally would.

And this brings me to my approach.

No, I don’t diet in the way I’ve defined above. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t watch what I eat. My goal is to eat healthy all the time, but don’t let the word “healthy” fool you. For me, eating “healthy” is as much of a mental approach as it is physical one. It includes having plenty of fruits, vegetables, and lean meats as well as a moderate amount of carbs, dairy, and dark chocolate in my daily diet, but it also includes eating cheeseburgers, sodas, and sinful desserts from time to time. And that’s because I believe that indulgence is an important part of living a healthy lifestyle. If we don’t give into our desire for high-calorie, fatty foods from time to time, I believe that desire will only grow, causing us to actually eat more of the bad stuff than if we simply allowed ourselves those indulgences now and then.

For me, “now and then” means limiting my indulgences to about twice a week. In other words, I let myself go a little crazy about two times every week.

Usually that happens on the weekend, but last week that meant splitting a large Buffalo chicken pizza with my husband on Thursday while we spent the day grading at Greener Groundz and going out for a high-calorie Mexican dinner with some girlfriends on Friday night.

Because I knew I was going to have those two big meals, I didn’t allow myself to eat whatever I wanted at that snack buffet I mentioned earlier. If I had, I promise you that I would have had a much bigger plate of cheese, meat, and bread than I did.

No, unfortunately, even the “will not diet” girl cannot eat whatever she wants.