Why I will not give into temptation

196 pounds

I guess it's time I talked about my recent weight gain. I was hoping the pounds would have disappeared fast enough that I wouldn't have to admit they were real, but that seems out of the question now that they've been here for almost two months.

This isn't to say that I'm feeling defeated by these five or six pounds, but I am being more honest about it.

As I said back in late March, I thought that I had picked up four pounds over spring break because I had been traveling a lot during that time and having a harder time sticking to my routine. I even asked my doctor about it, and like everyone else, he told me it was probably water weight and that once I was home for a few weeks, my weight would go back to where it was before.

So I did what I always do—eat well and exercise as much as possible. School is still in session right now, so it's pretty hard to exercise twice a day, but I did fit in a two-a-day at least once a week after that. And, as always, I was exercising at least an hour a day when I couldn't do that.

But the scale wasn't budging.

And a couple of times it moved up a pound or two more, which really, really frightened me.

In fact, it has gotten to the point where if I indulge even once a week (which to me is the minimum), that indulgence shows up on the scale the next morning in the form of a pound or two. (A punishment I've noticed is never doled out to my husband for some strange reason.)

This isn't typical behavior for my body. Whenever I eat well and exercise, the number on the scale always moves down or basically stays the same. I've prided myself on this for years. I've always told myself that even if I am overweight, at least I'm moving in the right direction.

But all of a sudden things have changed. The numbers are moving in the wrong direction. And what's infuriating is that the only other time I have EVER gained weight is when I've almost completely stopped exercising—either because of an injury (after I tore my ACL in the winter of '96), a diet (in the fall of '98 after my only diet), or stress (during the 2007-2008 school year when I was worried about the future of our jobs). Otherwise, as long as I've exercised, I've been able to keep the numbers going down.

Obviously I've become pretty concerned over the past few weeks when I finally realized I was living the way I should be, but my body wasn't listening.

So what do I do know?

I'm not entirely sure. More two-a-days once school is out, for sure. Even a few three-a-days. Maybe more prayers. (I'm kidding, by the way.)

But definitely, no matter what happens, no dieting. I won't deny that the idea is incredibly tempting right now, but I keep telling myself what happens when you diet. The last time I went on a diet—the ONLY time I EVER went on a diet—I gained thirty pounds after the diet was over.

It just cannot be worth it.