196 pounds
Why haven't I talked about it yet?
Probably because it's a can of worms I don't really want to open and a problem of mine I don't really want to admit.
Unfortunately, I usually see myself one of two ways . . .
1) Some days I see my body as much, much, much bigger than it is. I feel like I'm busting out on all sides—with hips that sit along my middle like a bulging UFO and a butt that people could safely set their drink on.
2) Other days I see myself as fit and attractive and even a bit voluptuous, a modern Joan Holloway . . . without the fabulous rack, of course. I used to call this Shallow Hal disease because on days like this I look in the mirror and see someone amazingly glamorous and gorgeous even if that's not the reality.
The problem is that there aren't many days when I'm in between these two insane extremes, when I see myself clearly. And what I want to know is, why is that? Why is it so hard to have a realistic and healthy body image???
If you figure it out, be sure to let me know. In the meantime, I'm going to put this can back in the pantry and pretend it's not there.
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When I was 13, eating one salad a day and exercising for 6 to 7 hours after school, when I looked in the mirror I saw myself as huge and horrible. Even my memories are tainted. In my head, I can still remember what the person I saw in the mirror looked like. If my parents did not have pictures of me at that age I could never believe I was literally on the verge of wasting away.
ReplyDeleteI still struggle for balance between the extremes. Until we find an answer, know that you're not alone in this struggle.
Thanks for saying that, Courtney. Unfortunately—or should I say fortunately—this is an issue many of us can relate to and comfort each other about. I do believe that if we can change the way that women look in the media, then we can solve this problem.
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